I Want These Shorts, But Not That Badly

I mean, I'm about to buy two plane tickets. Probably don't need to buy the silk shorts, right? Even if they're on sale and I can get an extra 20 percent off?



J.Crew "Dejeuner" silk shorts, $47.99 with code "EXTRA20" through Thursday.

Hot, though. You get 'em!

Helmut Lang's Black Paneled Jean Shorts Should Be On My Body Right Now

($205, Helmut Lang, Ssense.com)

If loving pleated denim shorts is wrong, I could give a quarter of a f--k about being right! The sick black panels keep these Helmut Lang denim shorts looking too "Remember the Roger Rabbit?" '90s dress-up party. Also, do we call them "denim shorts" or "jeans shorts?" Potato/ potahto?

Topshop Would Like To Sell You These Mom Shorts

I often enjoy Topshop, at least in theory, but I call bullshit on these shorts, which have all the trappings of Mom Shorts, which are the dysfunctional stepdaughter of Mom Jeans. High waist? Icky '90s light wash? BUSTED.

($55, Topshop)

Hot Shorts

These shorts remind me of my absolute favorite pair of shorts: just the right length, the right wash, the right cut. But these have those two subtle studs on the front flaps and at the pocket seams. If I were the type of girl who gets shot for street-style blogs, I might wear them with black tights and oxfords. As it is, though, I think I'll just dream of summer.



Everyday or Eternal trouser shorts, $90.

Chloé High-Waisted Cotton Shorts: Really?

Are we really doing this? Not the high-waisted cotton shorts themselves. I really don't have a problem with those. I don't even have a problem with shorts. When it's 19392 degrees, shorts and sweat are gonna happen. And hopefully air conditioning. But I do have a problem with the fact that these cotton Chloe shorts are $1,635. Were they crafted by the paws of animated, singing little mice? And where in the world is the economic climate warm enough to afford luxuries such as $1,635 cotton shorts? Actually, $1,635 cotton shorts aren't a luxury... they're asinine.

($1,635, Chloe, Net-a-porter.com)
No.

... Meanwhile, back in Reality Ville, where I live and you do too probably, here are some viable alternatives to $1,635 cotton shorts.

($157, Wood Wood, FarFetch.com)

Well hello! Almost the exact same shorts for like a tenth of the price... or whatever you do in math class.

($198, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Bergdorf Goodman)

Super cute high-waisted shorts. I'd wear these on the regulado.

($22.80, Forever 21)

Thanks, Forever 21/ 30. Always there in a pinch.

Escape to Cuters Beach

I'm headed out on a starter vacay tomorrow -- I really should be packing and not playing around. And while I'm not going to the beach (nay, definitely not -- I'm off to sandy Kalamazoo... jealous?), here's my fantasy packing list of stuff I'd like to be bringing with me were I off to a weeklong trip to the beach and not getting up at 5 a.m. for a three-day trip to the Midwest:

($168, Letarte, Canyonbeachwear.com)

Such a suit. Letarte makes great suits. This safari bikini is supercute and not too overkill with the jungle theme.

($156, Letarte, Couturecandy.com)

Another cute Letarte. Reminds me of Shoshanna's bikinis.

($187, Serfontaine, WinkNYC.com)

These are sort of ridiculous, but they're so soft and comfy-looking and would be so cute with a beachy tank.

($30.50, Alloy)

So old-school they're almost great. Very Mary-Kate Olsen, according to Chicago JP. True!

($35, Alternative Apparel)

Buttery soft heather cropped pants, perfect for pulling on and lounging around after you've taken your post-beach shower. Also, I cannot say enough good things about Alternative Apparel -- their fit and feel are fantastic, and they're not headed by an evil, mustachioed porn-faced CEO! Yay!

($112, Peter Jensen, Gargyle)

More Southampton than South Padre.

($595, Loeffler Randall, ActiveEndeavors.com)

I'm not the type to wear heels with shorts and a bikini top, but if I wear, these would be the perfect pair for that sort of ridiculous posturing that really only happens in movies and magazines, I hope.

($75, Shopintuition.com)

Super cute beachy-prep bowling bag.

($68, Brooklyn Industries)

Not beachy per se, but super fun. Brooklyn Industries has gotten cuter! The first one reminds me of Paul's Boutique.

($70, Boost, Urban Outfitters)

Suuuuuuuper fun, suuuuuper summery cute headphones... to go in your beach bag.

($1.29, Biocare Labs)

The site is pure crap, but trust me -- this lip balm is the best. Doesn't do that gross thing where it makes you thirsty in the back of your throat. Okay -- time to pack my ACTUAL, real-life items. Nitey!

Monday Maybes

Hi peeps.

Here are all the things I'd maybe buy...

TOPS ($86, Yvette Mandell, Boutiquetoyou.com)
Very berry-licious!


($19.50, Fresh Karma, Ronherman.com)
More fruity fun! And the price! Oh the price! Check out what else is on super sale at Ron Herman. Sick, I tell you! SICK!


DRESSES
($132, Splendid, Oliveandbettes.com)
This looks like the height of comfort. And I like that, comfort.


($49, Volcom, Tillys.com)
Plain ol' plaid adorbsness!!


($44, Puella, Ronherman.com)
Light n' lovely!


NOT-MORTS SHORTS
($25, Asos.com)
In lotsa other cute, bold colors too!


($17, Asos.com)
Fun fer the beach or just cold chillaxin'.


ACCESSORIES
($65, Boutiquetoyou.com)
Cute, but maybe not as much as some of the white aviators I've been seeing/ wanting.


($40, Barrysfarm.com)
Two tools in love! What could be cuter??


($58, Urban Outfitters)
Why do they insist upon sucking me back in?


MORTS
($300, Diesel, Asos.com)
Just as it never should have come to pass that Toni Braxton named her children Denim and Diezel, this get-up also never should have come to fruition. Has anyone else been feeling of late that Diesel should just bow out gracefully? Perhaps there was never a better example of why.

Stuff I Bought/ Shit I Want

Here a few things I bought for extremely reasonable prices, and then some stuff I want but haven't bought. Yet.

BOUGHT

($14.99, Target.com)
Very simple but exactly what I'm looking for so I can look like I'm not in college anymore when I wear these in lieu of my black Chucks.

I also bought this Sonia Kashuk eyeshadow brush, recommended by a makeup artist. $9 is a beyond reasonable price for a good brush, which this is supposed to be.

Also, I found a Target.com promo code for 10%, expires 7/10/07. Here it be: TGTSTM58


Next...
($9.99, Alloy.com)
I got these. Hopefully they won't suck, but with the promo code I found, that gives you $1.95 shipping, even if they do, no big loss.
Promo code: AFREE, expires 6/30/07


($29, Delias.com)
I've been wanting these since late last year. Yay! Also, I thought I got free shipping, but alas, no. Oh wellz.


Now, stuff I DID NOT BUY:
($111, Tahari By ASL, Macys.com)
Really gorgeous color, and it'd make a great fall dress too.



($26, Mossimo, Target.com)
Really cute jeweled flats! I'm not going to be purchasing them, but it's nice to know they're out there. (For when I change my mind.)




(Apprx $55 USD, Topshop.com)
Super purdy. Damn you, Topshop!!

Shorts: Not All Bad!

It seems like I keep stocking up for summer, and summer just ain't comin'. What's up with New York actually having a spring? Usually it lasts for about two days before it's swamp city. Lately I'm looking at shorts. Yes, shorts. What am I doing buying shorts? I used to hate them unconditionally and refused to wear them. But I have now bought two pairs for summer '07. Call me crazy, but I'm starting to actually like them!



I lucked out recently at a store I never shop at anymore: Express. Don't judge. I hardly ever go in there, I swear! Please don't revoke my fashionista card! I mean, seriously, it usually sucks. Who buys $100+ jeans from Express? I'm stumped. But I did find some great shorts there recently. I know shorts are a dicey proposition for a lot of ladies, but if you dare, I think these are pretty flattering. A rare case in which pleats are good. Express denim banded-bottom shorts, $39.50.



The short shorts are way cute too, but I left them on the shelves. Those of you who are substantially less aged than myself should really consider them, though. They come in lots of fun colors, but I wasn't ready to bare so much pasty white thigh to the world at large. Entry Pricepoint short (huh??), $24.50.



These pleated banded-bottom shorts, $29.50, are a bit more modest. I tried them on in a medium blue-green, and they were nice. Wasn't totally sure about them, but they're a solid option.



I bought some basic shorts at the Gap recently, too. Not sure these are them, but they're close: Gap topstitched classic shorts, $29.62. I know they look boring, but they were pretty cute on.



Guess everybody has a version of the denim shorts: Gap pleated-front denim shorts, $44.50.





These are my favorite Gap shorts, though: Gap lightweight corduroy roll-up shorts, $39.50.



I might just head to my local J.Crew and check out these army-riffic ripstop roll-up shorts, on sale for $29. They look soooo soft. And it looks like they roll down if you're feeling more modest.



I guess rolling is in fashion, folks! Delia's Lindsey roll-up shorts, $29. Love the bold color.



You know I like to focus on the everyday-peeps options, but if you feel like spending a little more, I am in love with these Marc by Marc Jacobs stretch twill stripe shorts, $148.



L.A.M.B. safari shorts, $145.





Okay. Moving on to a longer length for all the thigh haters out there. Levi's Freedom "knee knocker" shorts, $68. Love the pockets.



Elevenses "to the lighthouse" shorts, $68. So pretty and skirt-like.



I am gonna DIY an on-the-outs pair of jeans for my summer jean shorts, but if you lack the raw materials this might be a good substitute: American Eagle skinny stretch denim bermuda, $39.50.



I am often drawn to plaid Bermudas, for some reason. Yet I never seem to wear them, once purchased. If you are braver, try these Paul Frank shorts, $27.99.



Or the Delia's Murray Ocean bermudas, $29.50.



Hey, instead of shorts, why not a romper? No shirt required! Wifebeater and go! Genius. Rachel romper, $58.



B.B. Dakota Overall Jumper, $40.

And here it is, your Moment of Morts:



On the right: Me circa back in the day, feeling sassy yet looking ridiculous in gigantic mom-made jams. Don't let this happen to you.